Alanna's Loss
by Kannibal Klehmenteen
Summary: Alanna has been knighted and has killed Rodger, but Roald has politely ordered her on a long vacation with little chance of return. She runs far away, unaware that her friends are desperately searching for her. AG, AOC.
1. Chapter 1

In the predawn hours, Alanna stood by the Palace Gate. Jonathan, Gary, George, Myles and Raoul were all there to see her off. Coram had left a few days ago, looking for her missing twin, Thom. She hugged them all one last time, still processing the events of the last two days. After she had been knighted and found out Duke Rodger, she had fought him in a duel. He had come out dead, her alive. King Roald was very upset and politely requested that she leave for a prolonged vacation. After they all had left, she began the long walk down the Great Road South

**Author's note:**

**I am revamping this story. Most of it is the same, but I'm going back and editing/adding things. Reread if you'd like. Reviews are appreciated.**

**Clementine of Tortall.**


	2. Chapter 2

Seven months later, a tanned and travel worn woman on a beautiful Bazhir mare rode across the border into Tyra. She had picked up the horse after becoming a member of the Bloody Hawk tribe. The horse slowly carried its rider through the city gates and down the crowded streets. The fire-haired woman wearily raised violet eyes to look at her surroundings. Her clothes, the same she had worn at the start of her journey, were patched and faded. The once bright blues and cheery yellows were now a brownish color. At her side in a battered sheath was the sword, Lightning. She navigated the streets like a commoner and was careful to avoid the thieves and pickpockets. Alanna stopped at The Door Mouse Inn. After giving the stable boy her horse, she walked into the bustling inn, making the thieves sign to the serving girl. After ordering a room and lemonade, she made her way to a corner table. Halfway to the seat she had seen, she was stopped by a large woman with a knife.

"Lass, I have a feelin' you'll want to be sittin' over there," she gestured with the knife to a table where a man sat in a throne-like chair, much like George's in the Dancing Dove.

"Thank you very much," Alanna replied, moving to the open seat at the table.

The Rouge of Tyra looked around the table at his friends and subjects before turning his gaze to Alanna herself. "Well, well, well, what have we here? A lass in fine clothing, used to the road, on a Bazhir horse with a Tortall accent. Something tells me you have quite a story to tell."

"I'm a friend of George's, out in the world for a spell. I am all that you see, no more, perhaps a little less." Alanna replied.

"George Cooper. Well, do you have a message for me from him? No? How about greetings? When was the last time you saw Dear Cousin Cooper?""I've been on the road for half a year; I haven't been in touch with anyone."

"The last time anyone saw him was, midsummer, three months ago. He vanished."

"George does what he wants."

"Rumor has it he was looking for a friend of his, a lady knight with red hair and purple eyes."

"I don't want to be found.

"Are you a fugitive?"

"No."

"How about an exile?"

"Not by law."

"Well then lass, welcome to the Door Mouse. I am Dan, and these are my subjects," said Dan, "You must be Sir Alanna of Trebond, Knight Errant, emphasis on Errant. Feel free to stay here as long as you like."

Alanna nodded and retreated to the room she had paid for. She gazed into the mirror on the wall, speaking George's name. For a moment, purple fire covered the mirror, before revealing George, Faithful on his shoulder, riding across the desert with Myles and Jonathan, towards the familiar tents of the Bloody Hawk. Her throat clenched up and she fought back tears. She missed them so much. Her friends held so much longing and hurt. Roger, her missing brother, her friends, the things she learned and King Roald. She sighed and broke the image. Those things would be gone soon and she could start anew.

As she walked the streets of Tyra, Alanna spotted a small, nice looking shop on Weaver Lane. A plan began to form in her mind. She smoothed her hands on her skirt and walked into the shop. As she looked around, Alanna knew she had come to the right place. Ladies in Court finery stood about being measured and fitted. An apprentice strode up to Alanna's side.

"We don't serve those who can't pay," she said looking at Alanna's muddy brown dress.

"I can pay," Alanna responded quickly, "you can send the charges to my aunt, Lady Alanna of Trebond, in Tortall; she's paying for my trip."

"Well then, we must get you measured," the girl grabbed a knotted cord from her belt and proceeded to strip Alanna. When the girl saw the many scars and bruises that covered Alanna's skin, she hissed in sympathy before measuring all over Alanna's body. She grabbed a set of underclothes off their shelves and shoved them into Alanna's arms.

"Here, go put those on, you won't be getting into our fine clothes in that dirty state, "she said gesturing at the dirty breast band and loin-cloth that Alanna wore. When Alanna returned in the clean underclothes, the girl took one of the many dresses she had gathered while Alanna was changing and laced Alanna into it. Looking into the mirror, Alanna could barely recognize herself in the plunging cleavage of the peacock blue dress. As she tried on more dresses, the apprentice's eye for fabric became apparent. Feeling a little guilty, Alanna purchased a full set of Court gowns. She blessed Eleni Cooper, who had helped her learn feminine manners.

Alanna walked back to the Inn whistling.


	3. Chapter 3

Three weeks later, Alanna rode up to the gates of the Palace in Tyra. She introduced herself as Lady Mariah of Tortall, and was accepted into the list of young ladies to be presented at the ball that night. Kara, the useful apprentice had agreed to be her lady's maid. When she descended into the Great Hall, Alanna knew that she was equal in beauty and grace to any of the other ladies present. The music started and she was approached by several lords.

"May I have this dance?" all of them asked. Alanna nodded to each and was led onto the dance floor by her partner for dance after dance. Eventually each blurred into the next, all except one. Prince Robert of Tyra was captivated by her unique beauty and had danced with her twice and promised to invite her to many parties and outings. She returned to her maid, less than content with herself and didn't fall asleep until well into the night. The months passed in a blur of finery and frivolity with little news from home. Alanna welcomed the rush of activities and, quite to her astonishment, even developed feelings for her new friends. Rob, as the prince had asked her to call him, was very persistent in his devotion to her and after knowing her for almost a year, he proposed. Knowing that she didn't love him, Alanna accepted his proposal and stepped into the shoes of Princess.

The weeks leading up to the engagement were filled with fittings and meetings. The Queen was testing Alanna, seeing if she could handle the pressure of royalty. When the engagement ended without a hitch, all involved breathed deeply in relief, but none deeper than Alanna. It had been her future being tested. Unbeknownst to Alanna, an invitation to the coronation of Prince Jonathan of Tortall had arrived while she was busy. The King knew that his heir would need to meet his fellow rulers, and replied that the Prince and his fiancée would attend the coronation. Upon hearing the news, Alanna was noticed to have paled visibly, but those watching put it down to nerves.


	4. Chapter 4

Although Alanna was married, she didn't love him. He loved her and was rather possessive. She knew that deep down she pitied the people he would one day rule for he was a cruel man at times and had mood swings. Once they were on the road to Tortall, Alanna cried in private for Jon and his parents. After she ran out of tears, she just sat and remembered. The Black City with Jon, learning to pickpocket with George, her Ordeal, all things the things she had buried for over a year resurfaced and she began to feel homesick. Rob thought that she was nervous.

"It's ok honey," he said, trying to soothe his irritated wife as they rode down the Great Road South, "They're nice people and I'm sure that once they get to know you they will love you. King Jonathan even has a fiancée that you will meet and I'm sure you'll be good friends." Unsatisfied, Alanna looked out over the desert and saw riders on the horizon. She wheeled her mount around and rode toward the Bazhir.

"Wait! Mariah! Come back, they may be hostile!" Rob screamed at her back, but she was taken away with the wind in her hair and the feel of galloping across the sands. She was The Woman Who Rides Like A Man and she answered to no one.

"Brothers," she called to the riders,"What tribe are you?" As they drew near, she noticed that they were hill men, not her people. Fumbling with her dress, she ripped of most of her skirt and slid around in her saddle so that she was ready to face the oncoming men. She fumbled in her saddlebags for Lightning. Having found the sword, she resumed her gallop towards the hill men. Her war cry felt odd on her tongue as she turned to the hard labor of killing. She was out of shape and lacking practice, but holding her own. Rob rode up, swearing and aided her in the fight. When all the men lay slain, he turned to her.

"What the hell was that?" Rob asked, panting,"Who in the name of Mithros Sun God taught you to fight like that? Who are you?" He stared at her, looking for any trace of the woman he loved in this sweaty, blood-spattered stranger's profile.

"Did you ever hear of the Distaff Knight, Sir Alanna?" asked Alanna, when he nodded, she continued. "Then you know she was exiled by King Roald?" Again, he nodded. "She was my aunt. I went with her to Tyra, stopping along the way to live with the Bazhir. They taught me to fight." She knew he would have to learn the real truth about her some time, but this wasn't it. "I should have told you." He nodded and rode back to the road. She followed, picking up her hair pinnings and the remnants of her skirt. When Kara saw the state she was in, she ordered a bath drawn in the back of a wagon and helped Alanna come clean and dress again.

The rest of the ride passed in silence until they reached Corus. Rob ordered her to his side and they rode up the long winding road to the Palace.

Once at the gates, Rob drew up short and turned to face her, "You are Princess Mariah, and my fiancée. We will not let this set us back." Alanna nodded, having no desire to be near the men who had watched her leave. Her horse, however, was another story. She had a year of news and a best friend she hoped to catch up with.


	5. Chapter 5

Rob left to room to oversee the unpacking and placement of their belongings and people, reminding that they were to meet with the nobility later. She waited until he had been gone for a few minutes and walked as fast as she was able to the stables. Once there, she walked purposefully toward the stall where Moonlight had been stabled. She must have made some noise, because a blond chubby head popped out of they hayloft.

"May I help you my Lady?" he asked.

"Stefan, tell the lady to go away, we were having a meeting," came a voice from the loft, "You can have your fun on someone else's time." A chestnut head poked through the hole just as Stefan withdrew his own. "Mithros!" it breathed before purposefully falling from the loft.

"I'm Gareth, Gary of Naxen, and who are you?" He asked, taking her hand and kissing it.

"Gary, you haven't changed a bit since the last time I saw you, romancing all the ladies. You scoundrel!" Alanna said playfully, forgetting herself. Gary peered into her face, searching for a familiar feature. She knew that the only part of her he'd recognize was her hair, which had been died and hidden. The once vibrant purple eyes were now almost blue, deep and full of sorrows and sadness.

"Gary, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't start a war on me. The Prince will not be happy when he finds his fiancée and my Prime Minister so close together," drawled Jonathan, who had walked in unnoticed, "I am Jonathan, pleasure to meet you." He bowed over the offered hand. "Is there something you need help with? We usually keep visitor's horses in the Guest Wing stables."

"No, I was just looking for a horse someone told me was stabled here, a, Moonlight?"

"Who told you of her?" His voice was now unsteady and his grip tightening painfully.

"Mariah, I see you've met Jonathan, "Rob saved Alanna from coming up with an answer, wrapping his arms around her for a hug. She turned and stood on tiptoe to give him a kiss. She was aware of Jon's eyes on her back, following her form. She suddenly wondered if he would remember the way her body felt on his. "Well dear, we must be off, Jonathan and I have business to conduct," he dismissed her and left, talking with Jon about the ball that was to be held in their honor that night. After they left, Gary seized her in a massive hug.

"You came back! All the others have given up hope, but I knew you would," he said, "I've missed you. You're the only one who can understand what that blasted cat is saying."

"Excuse me My Lord, Prime Minister, but you must have me confused with someone else," Alanna responded harshly.

"Alanna, what in Mithros' name are you saying! You've come back! Who cares that you're married to a pickled beet, you are back and that's all that matters now. Everyone will be so happy!"

"Unhand me and do not confuse me with your failure of a lady knight. I am a Princess and you are bothering me," she pushed him away, angry that he had recognized her.

"I don't know what you're playing at Alanna, bu-"

"Do not call me that!"

A comforting arm was wrapped around her shoulders and a low, musical voice ordered Gary back into the loft. "Honey, I'm sorry. Gary is an ass," Thayet said, "I even hit him sometimes." Alanna grinned at Thayet, glad to have found a kindred spirit in this place of memories. "I am Thayet, and I do believe you are Mariah."

"Yes, I am Mariah," Alanna said firmly, glancing up at the loft where Gary sat, "I'm sorry you had to see me like this."

"It's alright, Gary does have that effect sometimes," remarked Thayet dryly.

"I totally know what you mean; he was always one for arguing as a page."

"Did you know him then?" Thayet inquired, puzzled.

"Oh, I, well, n-"

"I was telling her stories of my younger days before you arrived," Gary came to her rescue, "she was so appalled at my stupidity that she was livid that I became Prime Minister."

"I thought I heard something about the famed Lady Alanna," Thayet said.

"It does include her," Gary replied, "she was a dear friend of mine, and I wish she would return to the land where she is loved and will be warmly received. What I wouldn't give to know how to find her and get her back." The last words were for Alanna only.

"I wish I could tell you where to find her, but as I told you, _I do not know her_." Alanna told him,"If you will excuse me, I have to go and get ready for the ball tonight, I will see you both there." She thanked Thayet and gave her a hug before fleeing to her room where she locked the door and slid down to the ground sighing, she needed to be more careful with her old friends, if they wanted her back to much, they could make Rob very angry.

As she descended the Grand Staircase into the Throne Room, all eyes were on her. She knew she was pretty at least, although she would never be as beautiful as Thayet. She wore the very same dress that she had tried on in that little shop in Tyra. Her earlobes and flaming hair were adorned with sapphires, a small silver circlet in her hair shone proudly. As she slowly walked the carpet leading up to the thrones where Thayet and Jonathan sat, she concentrated on walking like a lady, not a boy. Before the dais, she sank into a deep curtsey as Rob bowed. Jonathan nodded and the orchestra struck up a lively tune. As etiquette demanded, Jonathan offered his hand to Alanna and she took it with reluctance. What if he remembered her walk, her body and the way she danced? As they danced, he showed no sign of anything other than polite disinterest. She heaved a sigh of relief and proceeded through the night, buoyed by her confidence. And as she fell into her bed, a long forgotten bit of music came back to her.

**It was after dark and time for Jon and Alanna to be going home. A quick, rhythmic song that neither of them knew came on. All the couples in the Dancing Dove got up and began to dance closely, hips swaying in time to the music. Alanna, dressed as a girl, looked up at Jonathan and lifted her eyebrow in a challenge. He smiled and pulled her close. His sapphire eyes were smoldering and she gulped, wondering what she had unleashed. The two of them danced on, oblivious to the other couples fading back until they were the only ones dancing. When the song ended, Alanna knew she would remember that night forever.**


	6. Chapter 6

The next day, Alanna and Rob were invited to a picnic lunch and another ball. Rob accepted both invitations and at 11:00, they set out in a party that included Jon, Thayet, Gary, Raoul, Alex and Thayet's guard, Buri. The company rode in silence for a while before Raoul, Buri, Alex and Rob became engrossed in a conversation that ranged from fighting techniques to gossip. Thayet shot Alanna a wry grin and slowed her mount down in order to ride next to Alanna.

"They are exactly like fish wives!" She remarked, just as Gary exclaimed in delighted horror, "She did _not_!"

Alanna had to laugh at Gary's impeccable timing. "I don't think anyone has _ever_ called Rob a fishwife before today. If he heard you, he'd raise all kinds of demons."

"How do you like it here," Thayet asked anxiously.

"I love it. It's overwhelming, but everyone is so kind and I'm sad that I have to leave so soon."

"So don't."

"What?"

"Don't leave so soon. As you know, my wedding is coming up soon. Tell Rob you're going to attend. I'm sure he'll understand."

"I'll ask him, but I don't know if he'll let me."

Jonathan, who had been listening to the entire conversation, spoke up, "I'll ask him. He won't be able to refuse if I word it correctly."

Thayet grinned at him and pecked his cheek with a light kiss. "Thank you."

"Anything for you," he said, Alanna forgotten. The two of them sped their horses up to a gallop and took off laughing. The look on Raoul's face as the two of them rode past was enough to send Alanna into convulsions.

Gary looked at where the couple had disappeared, "That is plainly a challenge! We are officially losing the race." And with that, he took off after them, Alanna close on his heels. When she passed him, she stuck her tongue out and set her sights on the royal couple, gaining on them as she pressed herself to the horse's neck and galloped past them with a whoop. The path they followed turned into a clearing just after she passed Jonathan and Thayet. She slid off her sweaty horse and began to set up the picnic she carried in her saddlebags. By the time the rest of the party caught up, Alanna, Thayet were being regaled with tales of Jonathan's youth. Alanna, who had been relaxing in the company of such easy people, straightened and became aloof when she caught sight of Rob. The look on his eyes bode ill for her later.

The rest of the picnic seemed tame compared to the adrenaline rush of the race. They plodded home, making small talk about nothing. Alanna reluctantly rode her mount into the Guest Stables, longing for a glance at Moonlight. Once the horses were in the care of the stable hands, Rob took Alanna's arm and forcefully led her to his rooms.

"What was that? I thought we agreed you'd act normal!" Rob's voice shook with suppressed fury.

"Thayet and Jonathan started it."

"Thayet is a barbarian princess of a barbarian land and Jonathan will be crowned in one week. They are allowed to do act they please. You however are to be the Queen of a civilized land and I will not tolerate any more of your unnatural antics. Do you understand?" Alanna nodded sullenly and retired to her own room to prepare for the upcoming ball.

Standing in the crowd rather than descending the staircase gave Alanna a chance to watch those presented. Young girl after young girl walked, shakily, down the stairs to curtsey to the Prince and Princess of Tortall. Paying more attention to the girl than the escort, she almost failed to notice George escorting a young lady to the dais. When she recognized him, panic jumped in her stomach. As soon as possible, she excused herself from Rob and circulated the room, drifting ever closer to where George stood talking to Jon and Raoul in whispers.

"Gentlemen, if I didn't know better I would have thought you were plotting something," she said, only half joking. All of the men smiled smiles that didn't quite reach their eyes.

"Sir Raoul, I know there are many young women here who would be delighted to dance with the Knight Commander of the King's Own. Thayet mentioned that you are single earlier," Alanna grinned at the horrified look on Raoul's face, "You, I don't know." She said, pointing to George.

Raoul hurried to introduce her, hoping to make her forget about the dancing, "This is Baron George Cooper of Pirates Swoop. He was our friend in the city when we were younger and Jon ennobled him for saving his life."

Alanna held her hand out and George kissed it saying, "Pleasure to meet you Your Highness." Alanna smiled and replied in kind before asking her question.

"How did you save Prince Jonathan's life? We heard no tales of assassination attempts or Rob wouldn't have endangered my life by bringing me here."

"It's hardly a tale for female ears," George began.

"I insist."

The former thief gave in with a sigh. "The Prince and his companions were visiting me in the city, at an inn called the Dancing Dove. They were on their way home when a handful of lads decided that they'd be an easy target. When they realized they had attacked the Crown Prince, they decided that they had to kill him. I was nearby and heard the noise, came to see what was causing such a ruckus. They were out numbered so I helped even out the battle and bashed a few heads. Nothing big."

Jon laughed, "George plays it down. Gary and Raoul were down and I was losing ground when George and the Shang Dragon come roaring around a corner. The two of them beat off my attackers and saved my life."

"Where are you hiding the Shang Dragon?"

"He said that he wouldn't be tied down by a bunch of people depending on him. He is a wandering man." This last came from Raoul.

"I should like to meet the Dragon someday," Alanna murmured, almost to herself.

"If you stay for the wedding, I'm pretty sure he will be attending," George said, "He already paid for his rooms at the Dove."

"Speaking of staying for the wedding, I still haven't talked to your fiancée about that. If you will excuse me?" Jonathan walked away, leaving her with Raoul and George. She looked at the two of them, rather disgruntled at his sudden departure.

"You remind him of Alanna," said George bluntly, "It puts him on edge. I cannot comprehend how he sees our young firebrand in you, but he has powers beyond those of most mortals. I myself am more worried about your fiancée." With that, George left.

Alanna looked helplessly at Raoul.

"Alanna was his first love. When she left, he froze up inside. His parents thought he'd never recover, which is why he was allowed to go to the Bloody Hawk and look for her. She had left a few months earlier after one of her apprentice shamans Saw him looking for her. If she had been there, he would have proposed. After that, he gave up looking. George, however, gave up an important job in the Lower City to look for her. He traveled to every country that could be reached by foot or by horse from Tortall. After a year, he gave up."

"She could be dead."

"Don't ever say that!"

"Maybe she doesn't want to be found. Or maybe she's lost somewhere."

Raoul glared at her, all traces of humor gone from his black eyes, "Alanna loved this place. When her father didn't care about her, she found a family _here_. When Jon almost died, she was _here_. She saved his life more times than I care to count. They were in love. And if she wouldn't come back for him, she'd come back for news of her brother, or Coram. Or news of us, her friends. No matter how far or how long she is gone, _she will come back_!"

"Why did she leave?"

"King Roald all but exiled her."

"Maybe she's afraid to come back, if she left an exile."

"Jon would welcome her back with open arms."

"I'm sure he would." Alanna ended the conversation abruptly and left Raoul staring after her as she asked George to dance with her. He accepted and they took the floor.

George was a better dancer than she remembered. In his arms, she felt as though they were flying through the air on winged shoes. When Jonathan cut in, she struggled to hide her disappointment as George struggled to hide his relief.

"George is quite the dancer," Jonathan said lightly, "But I'm not too bad." Alanna blushed as he continued, "Prince Robert has agreed to allow you to stay for the wedding. Thayet will be pleased. I imagine you may be roped into being a bridesmaid."

"Thank you so much Your Highness! I am enjoying my stay in your country and I look forward to staying longer."


	7. Chapter 7

The days before the coronation flew by and before she knew it, Alanna was standing in the Great Hall, the great glass doors opened for the commoners. Sunlight streamed in, making the gem encrusted crown glitter and radiate splinters of rainbows. As the priest placed the crown on Jonathan's head, blue and white magical fire combined in a flash and Jon was King. Later on, she could only remember one of the parties she attended. It was after midnight and Rob had retired for the night. Gary, George and Raoul were on their way into the City to attend a special, invite-only party. Seeing Alanna standing all by herself in a corner, Gary came to her rescue and insisted she come with them. The three men had already consumed too much alcohol, and were in the best of moods. As they gamboled down the darkened streets, Alanna realized that they were headed for the Dancing Dove.

The Inn was exactly as she remembered it, boisterous and bright. When George entered, all the occupants cheered, but none rose from their seats to discuss Rouge business with him. Looking around, she saw his sometime enemy and longtime friend, Marek, sitting on the throne-like chair. Raoul and her wove through the crowded room, him introducing her as 'Mariah, a friend from home.' She had already met most of the assembled thieves and it took restraint for her to not cry out when she saw a familiar face. When they made it to Marek, she had schooled herself to pretending ignorance.

"And this young man is Marek," Raoul said.

"Hello Marek, you are the King of the Rouge in Tortall?"

Marek turned wary, "Who wants to know?"

"I am Princess Mariah of Tyra with a message from my good friend Dan."

"Ahh. He did mention that he had spoken to someone pretty high in the ranking there. What is the message?"

Alanna handed him a piece of paper, folded and sealed with wax. Marek opened it, read it, looked at her and read it again.

"We need to talk." Alanna followed him to the suite of rooms that had previously belonged to George and pointed her to a chair. "Do you know what this letter says?" Alanna shook her head. "He claims to have found the missing Lady Alanna. In fact, he claims _you_ are the missing Lady Alanna." Alanna felt the blood drain from her face.

"You don't look like Alanna. You don't act like Alanna. So I will only ask you once, _are you Alanna_?" The look in his eyes was slightly dangerous.


	8. Chapter 8

_As of the last chapter, Marek is the King of the Rouge and he has just asked Alanna if she is Alanna._

Purple fire streamed from Alanna to ward the room from listeners. "Yes. I once was called Alanna."

Marek looked into her eyes, searching for some trace of the person he had known. Whatever he saw there seemed to satisfy him. Visibly calmer, he said, "Tell me what happened."

Alanna gulped and nodded. "When King Roald asked me to leave, I started walking to the Great Southern Desert. I had always planned to go there when I got my shield, just not on foot. I reached the Desert and was taken captive by a tribe of hostile Bazhir, the Bloody Hawk. One of them remembered me from the Black City and they allowed me to prove myself in trial by combat. I obviously didn't lose. Their shaman, however, wasn't happy about me joining the tribe. We battled and he lost. I was forced to be their shaman. I spent a few months training the new shamans before one of them saw Jonathan in the fire, riding up to the tents. I ran. On one of their horses, it took me about three weeks to get to Tyra.

Once there, I met Dan and his Court. After staying with them for three weeks, I presented myself at the Royal Court under the name of Mariah of Tortall. Rob liked me so much he asked me to marry him. Thinking I had no life left here anytime soon, I consented. We were engaged just before we left. On the way here, we were attacked by hillmen. I defended myself and when Rob demanded to know how I learned to fight, I told him Alanna was my aunt. He believed me. I made the mistake of asking Gary about Moonlight. If I had asked anyone else, they would have just told me. But Gary knew who I was. Since then, I've been trying my hardest to act like a mindless noble lady," Alanna was silent.

"That is quite a tale," Marek said, "I take it you've told no one else?"

Alanna shook her head mutely.

"When you didn't send word after two months, George left me in command and went looking for you. He came back with a glimmer of hope and formally renounced his title as Rouge. When he rode out again, he was optimistic. Jonathan and Myles rode with him to the tents of the Bloody Hawk. Once there, they discovered you had left after learning that they would visit. George continued to look for you. Jon and Myles gave up and stayed with the Bloody Hawk, allowing Jonathan to become the Voice of the Tribes. He looked for you using the Bazhir magic, but seeing as you were too far away and never communed with the Voice, his searching was in vain. He returned home to the business of running a country. George went through Sarain to the Roof of the World to retrieve the Dominion Jewel. On his way back, he found Thayet and Buri. They came back with him and when Jon met Thayet, he fell in love."

"I hadn't heard anything from Tortall until the news of Roald and Lianne's deaths came."

"Now you are here. Where do you want to go from here," Marek asked.


	9. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**Author's Apology/Note:**

**I know I promised updates and I'm really sorry, but I do have a very good reason.**

**Although I had intended to update on Monday, my dad's karma bit him in the butt for lying to my brother. Long story short, our car broke down in Bellingham. I stayed there for the night on Sunday and didn't get home until late Monday night and then started to feverishly slave away on my homework. Last night, I had a meeting at the library which ran long.**

**And that is all the excuses I intend to give you.**

**Hopefully, tonight will be the night I finally update, but I'm not promising miracles. Homework comes first.**

**-Klehmenteen.**


	10. Chapter 9

"Now you are here. Where do you want to go from here," Marek asked.

Alanna thought, considering every possibility before replying, "What options are you giving me?"

"You have to tell someone. Letting them think you're dead is just the same as telling them you are." She nodded.

"The only problem is who to tell," Marek continued, "Who can we tell who won't want to tell everyone?" He stopped to think, "George, Gary, Eleni, Thayet maybe, not Raoul or Jonathan."

"These are my options?"

"They are."

"I can't tell George yet," the look in her eyes was pleading, "I trust Gary, but Eleni and Thayet could go either way. I agree with you about Jon and Raoul though, both of them would want me to come back with a party and a parade."

"It seems as though you've eliminated everyone except Gary."

"I think he already knows."

"Should I call him up?"

"I'll go get him." Slowly, with the air of one facing the hangman, Alanna walked down to the common room where Gary and Raoul sat drinking with the thieves. When she tapped his shoulder, Gary looked up with a merrily, but sobered at her look of finality.

"Marek wants to talk to you," she told him.

"Did he happen to mention why?" Gary said, always inquisitive.

"No."

He followed her to Marek's room, eyes widening as she used the telltale purple Gift to seal the room.

"Is it really you?"

Alanna nodded and Gary looked to Marek for confirmation. When Marek smiled slightly, the stunned Gary looked back to Alanna with amazement.

"What happened," he whispered hoarsely, "Your eyes and your hair?"

"I don't know," Alanna smiled bitterly, "I guess I've changed."

"I'll say!"

"What is that supposed to mean," Alanna asked tartly.

"You promise not to sock me if I tell you?" Alanna nodded warily.

"The way you stand, how you see the world, how you react, how you walk. You always looked as though there should be a sword in your hand, now you look like you'd break if someone tapped you to hard. Once, you looked at the world and saw what could be, now you only see what was. You used to flare up at the smallest imagined slight, but now you're all prettiness and calm. And you used to walk as though you followed a path no one else could see, now you drift or follow someone else's path."

"Well. Someone's been watching."

"What happened to the young Trebond firebrand I knew?"

"I was living in a dream. The world woke me up with a bucket of water and doused that flame."

"I want it back. I want you back. And I know I'm not the only one."

"I hate to break this up, but it's getting late. The Princess should return to her rooms," Marek spoke up from his seat on the bed. Alanna nodded and fled, her brain working in overtime.


	11. Chapter 10

The next morning, Alanna woke before dawn. She slid a robe over her nightgown and slipped into the hallway. Mindlessly, she wandered the hallways. When she looked up, she saw that her feet had carried her to the Chapel of the Ordeal. Still slightly dazed, she pulled the heavy door open and shuffled inside. The Chamber's iron door glinted cruelly in the harsh candle light. Shivering, she glided to the door and brushed her fingers against the frigid metal.

_I remember you_, a sexless voice whispered in her mind. _Let me show you who you were born to be._ A vision overtook Alanna.

**A slightly older version of Alanna stood before Jonathan, offering him the Dominion Jewel. He was King, she his Champion. An older Alanna quizzed a young man about the cures for common colds. A female knight looked at Alanna, respect and awe shining in her eyes. A castle by the sea, George strode into the courtyard, followed by a herd of children with red hair and hazel eyes. She was swept into a current of love.**

_This is what you will be._

**Alanna stood still as Rob slid the ring onto her finger. Her first child was born with red hair and violet eyes, its parentage questioned. Alanna's coronation, a burden of responsibility laid on her shoulders. Rob's funeral, no tears shed. A bent old woman, bitterly ordering her children about. Alanna dying, surrounded by masks of sorrow.**

_If you decide, this is who you could be._ Whatever the Chamber wanted to show her was interrupted by a shout.

"Hey! Get away from there!"

Alanna slumped on the floor, tears leaking from her eyes.

"Visitors aren't usually allowed in here," Jonathan said, worry in his eyes, "The Chamber – the Chamber isn't safe."

"What is it?" Alanna asked, knowing what his answer would be.

"The Chamber of the Ordeal was designed to test those who would be knights. It makes them face their fears, silent." He replied, struggling to explain.

"Why isn't it safe?"

"If someone is unworthy, they don't come out," he said, "Not alive…"

"How does it work?"

"I honestly don't know. And I don't want to. Whatever is in there, it isn't human," he hurried to change the subject, "But you must be freezing. Let's go somewhere a little bit warmer."

She accepted the hand he offered and allowed him to lead her out of the Chapel and down to the kitchens. When they entered the busy room, none of the cooks or servants stopped what they were doing to bow to their King or offer him their services.

"I'm here most mornings, and its stupid for them to be tripping over themselves trying to please me when they have jobs to do and I know what I want," he said in response to her curious glance.

One man did pop up at the King's shoulder asking, "Would you like anything Your Majesty?"

"I'll have a pot of tea and hmm…four cups."

"And the Princess?" The servant turned to Alanna who stammered out an answer.

"If it's not too much trouble, I'd like an apple and some toast."

The man scurried away, presumably to gather the foodstuffs they'd requested.

"What?" Alanna snapped, made nervous by Jonathan's stare.

"I had a friend once who would eat exactly that every morning for breakfast," he remarked casually.

As Alanna had no reply for that, she let the conversation die out while they waited for their food and then walked to one of the many small libraries in the Palace.

"I apologize if I offended you earlier," Jonathan said as he poured two cups of tea and handed her one. She was trying to think of a reply when George stormed into the room, slamming the door behind him.

"Of all the festering, pus rotted, Gods forsaken, oh!" He said, finally noticing that the King was not alone. "I'm sorry gentle lady, please excuse my coarse language. I don't believe we've met?"

"We argued. Then we danced."

His face colored as George remembered his rude behavior at their previous meeting.

Jon smiled, "George's bite is considerably nicer than his bark. Join us milord Baron of Pirate's Swoop." The two men smiled at some joke unknown to Alanna and George accepted a cup of tea then sat in the chair farthest away from her own. As he sat, Gary burst through the door, anger apparent on his face. He stopped short upon seeing Alanna in a nightgown, sipping tea with Jon and George. Shaking his head, he took a cup of tea and sank into the chair next to Alanna's.

"Goodness! What business brings the King and two of his private council to anger so early in the day?" Alanna's tone was gentle, her smile somewhat mocking, "If you gentlemen have something to discuss I am more than willing to leave." They exchanged glances, George's pleading and Gary's excited. Jon's eyes gave away nothing, as usual.

Before George could shoo her away, Gary spoke, "Its nothing that won't be spread around the castle in a few hours. I see no reason for you to go." Jon nodded silently and George's pleading was ignored. He glared at her. Suddenly, Alanna remembered that George had the Sight. He had probably sensed something half-familiar, mixed with an alien presence like oil on vinegar.

"Yes, maybe you have some insights on the subject at hand," Jon said.

"Well, what are we discussing," Alanna asked.

"Your Gods damned fiancée." This last came from George, who looked absurdly happy, believing he had scored a point against his perceived enemy.

"Ah, yes. Rob does tend to have that effect," Alanna remarked, waving aside Jon and Gary's hurried assurances that George was simply mouthing off, "What has he done this time?"

"He hasn't done anything, yet," Gary's voice left no doubt as to what would happen to Rob if that 'yet' ever happened.

"All he's done, Mariah, is tell us –"Jon's voice cracked and he stopped.

"He said that Alanna is alive."

"And he's holding her, to keep us in check," George made no attempt to hide his fury, "He _laughed_. Like it was a _joke_." Alanna whitened.

"He wouldn't!" The strangled whisper came from Alanna herself. Gary looked at her and she knew. These men would go to war if she didn't stop pretending, "He can't."

"Oh yes, Princess," on George's lips, the honorary title stank like dung, "Why is that?"

"Because she isn't there."

"WHERE IS SHE," George roared, coming to his feet and advancing slowly toward her.

"Here," Alanna pointed to herself. Silence filled the suddenly still sanctuary. She held her breath, watching them watch her. The calm was broken by George's dash for the door. Alanna sighed and looked to Jonathan.

"Get out."


	12. Chapter 11

She fled the room, watched by a stony King and his worried Prime Minister. Although it would have been nice for Gary to follow her, she knew his job as well as he did. He would stay with the King. Feeling lost, she wandered the Palace. As it was early morning still, only the servants were about and they ignored her as she made her way to the tower called Balor's Needle. Trembling with fatigue and a sudden depression, she climbed the inner staircase.

Pushing open the doors at the top, sunlight assaulted her. She blinked her watering eyes and shuffled to the edge of the viewing platform. Clambering up onto the railing, she had the urge to giggle. That damn Chamber sure hadn't warned her about this possibility!

Taking a deep breath, Alanna threw herself from Balor's Needle. The Goddess' presence comforted her all the way to the ground.

**Author's Note:   
I am tired of this story right now. So, I'm leaving it at a cliffhanger until I decide to show you a funeral or her recovering. However, my other companionish story is due to arrive any day now. Look for it?**

**-Klehmenteen.**


	13. Chapter 12

**Author's Note:  
Your pestering has forced me to this. After a long and grueling session with my treadmill, I have come up with this as an answer to your reviews.**

**Notes:**

_Italics _mean a deity of some sort is speaking.

**Bold** indicates a flashback (Author's Notes are clearly labeled.)

Regular means that its just plain story.

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_Alanna!_ The Goddess' voice shouted in Alanna's ears. _This is not where your story ends, My Chosen. Or had you forgotten that I have plans for you?_

"Goddess I'm sorry," Alanna gave way in the power of the immortal's fury, "It's all too much. The lying and the hatred. I can feel them wishing I came back, but when I told them I was back, they hated me."

_They need time. If someone told you Thom was dead and he appeared unexpectedly, you'd be shocked._ Alanna nodded. _You must be there for them. They need you more than any of you knows._

"But it hurts really bad. I don't know if I can handle their hate."

_You should not have to change who you are to make anyone happy. You are one of my Chosen. Even if you weren't, you would be special._ _Now, get ready to reenter time. It may hurt._

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**A/N:**

**Are you all happy now?**

**-Klehmenteen.**


	14. Chapter 13

**Author's Note:**

**This update is brought to you by:**

**ReadingRobyn**

**servent to the pen**

**Erytha**

**Poopie**

**inuyashaswife12**

**InkblottheDarking**

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Gary watched in stunned fascination as Alanna threw herself from Balor's Needle. When the purple fire appeared from nowhere to stop her fall and lower her to the ground, he breathed a sigh of relief and sprinted from the library window all the way to the ground, where Alanna was coming to a rest on the ground. Jonathan looked out the window before swearing and following his friend outside. He knelt beside her anxiously.

"Is she okay?" Gary looked around for the owner of the voice. Purple eyes met his own. The stranger looked just like Alanna with shorter hair. He wore the robes of a Master though he couldn't have been much older than Gary himself.

"Who are you," Gary asked, unnerved by the stranger.

"I am Thom, Lord of Trebond. That is my twin," Thom looked down at Alanna distastefully, "Or at least what's left of her."

"She doesn't have a twin!" Gary's surprise was evident.

"I believe you'll find that she does," Jon said, having arrived in time to witness the conversation, "After Alanna came to train as a knight, Uncle Gareth recorded the two of them in the census." Their conversation was cut short by Alanna. She sat up with a gasp and instantly all three men battered her with questions.

"What were you thinking?"

"Are you ok?"

"Where have you been? I've been looking for you forever!"

"Does anything hurt?"

"Why did you jump off my tower?"

"Are you trying to start a war, or does it just come naturally?"

"Maybe you should let her breathe?" George said, emerging from the shadow at the base of the tower. The other men stopped midsentence and looked away, ashamed. Alanna nodded her thanks to George and accepted the hand Thom offered. Once on her feet, Alanna threw herself into her twin's arms. They hadn't seen each other in over 8 years.

"I've missed you so much," Alanna whispered, crying lightly into Thom's shirt, "I needed someone to stand up for me and help me. I needed you."

"Shhh, I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me. I missed you too. But we're together now and nothing can change that. I'm going to stay with you, wherever you are."

"You promise?"

"I promise," he held her tightly and wiped her eyes. Both of them realized that the other people in the courtyard were staring at them in fascination. They'd never seen Alanna cry, never heard her say she needed anyone.

"What are you looking at?" Alanna demanded, pushing Thom away, "I haven't seen him since I was a little girl!"

Thom turned to the noblemen, "I understand that my sister's suicide attempt was due to your reactions when she told you who she was?"

"It was," George's face was still a mask of indifference.

"Thom, it wasn't. If I had been forced to return to Rob once the wedding was over, this still would have happened," admitted Alanna.

"If you're so unhappy, why are you marrying him?" George asked, struggling to hide the hope that coursed through him.

"What else was there for me?"

"Us," said Gary bluntly, "You always had us."

"I'm having trouble believing that."

"Why?"

"I come back to a perfect memory of myself. Anything more than a memory was discarded. You were happy as long as I wasn't there with my imperfections blaring. I told you who I was and you hated me for it." Emotionless, she continued, "Can you honestly say you're happy I'm back?"

**A/N:**

**It was short, but I brought back Thom! He was one of my favorite characters and in this version, he's not a dead piffle-face!**

**-Klehmenteen.**


	15. TMDDR

To My Dearest Devoted Readers:

Happy belated Valentine's Day! I'm sorry to inform you that due to my mother being a piffle-face, I could not update as I had planned. It makes me angry too. Piffleinfinity. Alas, I must now got and work on a presentation on the life of William Shakespeare. Isn't my life exciting? However, I will be going to Honduras in a few hours, so I guess there is _some_ excitement in the life of a white bread girl who lives on a white bread island in a white bread community. Sorry about that, it's just me being me. But you don't know me, so… I just realized that this letter was done a while ago…

-Klehmenteen.


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